Two Eyes Of A Soul
by phangurlultm8
Summary: Dan tries to recall something very important in his life. But its not as easy ans it sounds...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

There was a bright, bright light. That was the last thing he saw before he blanked out. He woke up sometime later.

"Daniel, Daniel can you hear me?"

He heard an unfamiliar voice call out to him.

"Daniel, Daniel Howell? Can you hear me? C'mon, open your eyes, "The voice continued.

"I'm here, I'm h….. "He blurted out blearily.

He had no idea where he was...or even who he was talking to. He couldn't remember anything that happened before the light.

Suddenly, he felt like the bed he was lying on started moving. He opened his eyes immediately. He was travelling through corridor after corridor. He looked up and saw a bunch of people wearing masks staring down at him while pushing his bed. That's when it hit him, he was in a hospital.

After what seemed like an endless rollercoaster through the building, he was brought to his ward. He was carried onto his bed and all sorts of wires and tubes connected him to peculiar contraptions. All this was very confusing and he decided to close his eyes and go to sleep.

He woke hours later to see a figure standing very close to his bed. The figure had pale, white skin. Hair as black as ebony and eyes that seemed to be yellow, green and blue at the same time. His eyes focused. He could now see that the figure was male and was wearing something brightly coloured.

"Dan! Oh my god! You're awake!" said this mysterious figure as he burst into tears.


	2. UPDATE!

Author's Note

I know some of you may want to read the next chapter.

I am currently very busy with my exams and projects so I am unable to write.

A new chapter will be uploaded after 2 weeks and will continue until further notice.

Thank you so much for the reviews and views, I really appreciate it and I hope to be writing soon.

Cheers, phangurlultm8


	3. Chapter 2

Dan was confused.

"Why are you hugging me? Get away, you fucking weirdo!" Dan shouted, wriggling out of Phil's tight grip.

Phil let go. He stared at Dan, eyes full of tears. But they weren't happy, they were painful. He felt like he was being stabbed. How could Dan not remember him? He stared at Dan, hoping that he would recall his raven-haired friend. Dan replied with a look of disgust. Phil felt like he had failed. He saved all that money for the surgery. All his effort, all his pain wasted on Dan. He was angry with himself. He darted out of the ward.

"It's all your fault you freaking prick!" he scolded himself.

He had failed Dan.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

For the next few weeks, Phil cared for Dan. He would show up before Dan woke and would stay till Dan slept. Dan hated him. He saw him as a stalker, a busybody. He wanted nothing to do with him. He tried calling the nurses. But Phil paid for Dan, he was his guardian. They couldn't throw him out. Phil rarely spoke to Dan. Even when he did, Dan would only reply with a scowl. He felt like Dan was a whole new person. A person he had never met.

Phil sat on a chair, watching Dan sleep. He ran his fingers through his own hair.

"How am I going to fix this?" he mumbled.

Suddenly, all the memories came flashing back to him. The first time they met, moving in, moving to London… It was all so fast. Then it stopped. He saw himself with Dan.

"Umm…Phil?" Dan muttered, feeling as anxious as ever.

"What do you want now?" Phil replied, not taking his eyes off his laptop.

Phil was very busy. He had so many things going on. He was frustrated and angry…believe it or not. He just wanted to…to…

"Can we talk?" Dan interrupted Phil's occupied mind.

"We talk EVERYDAY, Dan!" Phil burst out, turning his head towards Dan.

Dan became silent. He felt unwanted. He just wanted someone to talk to. He wanted Phil.

"Never mind, you're busy. It was stupid anyway…" Dan blurted, holding back tears.

"Dan, sometimes you really get on my nerves!" Phil grunted, returning to his work.

Dan ran to his room. Hiding his tears that had stained his face. He slammed the door and locked it. He slid onto the soft carpet. He hugged his knees and sobbed. He thought about what Phil had just said. He knew Phil didn't mean it, but ….

A part of him told him that Phil didn't care anymore. He rolled up the sleeve of his sweater. He squinted in pain. The cotton hurt as it brushed across the cuts from yesterday. He grabbed his blade that was just where he left it.

He went right for it, piercing his skin with the sharp metal. He kept going. Now his whole forearm was covered in bright red liquids. He dropped the blade onto the carpet. He started laughing as he walked towards his desk. He pushed away some books and pencils and pulled out an envelope. He launched onto his bed and just lay there for a second, thinking about the next step. He got up and opened the window. He put one foot on the sill.

At this time, Phil regretted his decision to block Dan out. He knew Dan had something very important to say. He shut his laptop and walked towards Dan's room. He would order pizza! Dan loved pizza. And maybe they could ease the tension. He took a deep breath and knocked. No answer. He turned the knob that was unlocked and saw that Dan was nowhere to be seen. There was a loud thud and some screams. He rushed to the window that was now wide open. What he saw nearly made him have a heart attack. Below was Dan's lifeless body in a pool of blood. Tears ran down his face before he could even process the thought. He panicked and fumbled for his phone.

He remembered getting into the ambulance. He remembers pushing the gurney. He remembered the exact words of the doctor.

"Look son, it's a 50/50 situation" he said with a stern expression.

That sinking feeling ran from the pit of his stomach to the ends of his fingers. He felt like he was gonna faint. He spun in circles. Everything came back and it felt excruciatingly painful.

He woke up gasping for air. He was sweating all over. He opened his eyes. Dan was still sleeping. He glanced at his watch. It was 4:59. Phil got up immediately and left. It was far too late.

He ran all the way home, not stopping to blink. He unlocked the door and plopped himself on the couch. He looked around him. All their memories flooded back. He felt his eyes shutting. He fought the urge, but he fell victim to it. He soon drifted off.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Phil woke up. His head was hurting, almost like a hangover. He glanced at his phone. The time read 11:23.

"Oh, shoot! We're gonna be late!" He muttered as he scrambled to get off of the couch.

He exited the lounge and headed towards Dan's room.

"Dan!" There was no reply. "DAN! C'mon, we have to-"He said, then suddenly paused.

A dark shadow of sadness and hurt fell over him. He started to stumble. He could feel the world around him spin and turn. He reached around him for something to hold onto. He felt like fainting. But he couldn't. He could only sit against the wall hoping that he would zone out and wake up with everything back to normal. Dan would be in his sofa crease on Tumblr and the world would be perfect. But that wasn't reality.

"Why?" he let out before closing his eyes.

He didn't faint. He was just…imagining. It wasn't long before he realised that he was supposed to be at the hospital, watching Dan. He knew Dan didn't want him there, neither did he want to be with someone who despised his presence. But deep down, he knew Dan wanted him there. He quickly got dressed and left.

Back at the hospital, Dan was uneasy. As much as he hated Phil, he felt like he needed his presence in order to be satisfied. Phil had never been this late. He was worried but he tried his best not to show it. Crazy thoughts were flooding his head. He remembered his name and his childhood, but he couldn't remember anything after his 16th birthday. And who was this Phil and what role does he play in Dan's life. All these thoughts were very tiring. He closed his eyes and just went into a vortex of dreams.

Phil reached the hospital at around 2:30. That lunch break was pretty long. When he burst into Dan's room, he was nowhere to be seen. He suddenly felt a wave of panic fall over him. That's when a nurse tapped his shoulder.

"He's been moved to the wards downstairs. Accommodates him better, they said. Well I guess he isn't so serious anymore. He'll be back someday, I know it!" she said while putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

All Phil could do was let out a small smile. He rushed out the door towards the lifts. He halted suddenly and turned around.

"Room 406!" the nurse yelled out.

"Thank you!" he yelled out, voice fading as he went further away.

He raced down and into the corridors. He knew exactly where the room was.

 **[We'll get to that in a moment! Oh and these things are author's notes. Once in a while, I'll give a cheeky little comment. So don't be confused if you see this. IT ISN'T PART OF THE STORY!]**

He did his signature little "Phil stumble" into the room.

"HEYYY!" he said in a cheery tone.

To his surprise, Dan was actually SURPRISED to see him.

"Hey, where have you been?" he asked in a rather tired tone. You could tell he was trying to hide his smile. But it was still pretty obvious that he was super excited.

"Sorry, I…I…was up late." Phil mumbled, not making eye contact with Dan.

"Yeah right!" Dan laughed in a mocking tone. "I saw you asleep here. And then you just disappeared when I woke up."

Phil was blushing. He didn't want Dan to know he was a hot mess. He just moved on, trying to ignore Dan's statement. He plopped his fabulous galaxy backpack onto the sofa and inched towards Dan's bed. Dan would usually glare at him if he tried to sit on the bed. But this time, he didn't.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Dan asked, breaking the silence.

"Umm…sure." Phil said in an unsure tone.

He was afraid to tell Dan anything.

"Why am I here? Who am I? What happened to me?" Dan asked, not leaving time for Phil to answer his questions.

"Well…" Phil started, "You were a big fan of YouTube.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It suddenly felt like everything went back to 2009.

There he was, looking as fine as ever, staring at the computer. Hair in some weird, out-dated fashion.

And what was on the screen? AmazingPhil! Dan's favourite YouTuber. He was fascinated by the amount of subscribers Phil had. Plus, he had just noticed Dan! He replied to a comment and they soon clicked. Now, they were practically friends. A little square appeared on the screen, interrupting Dan's binge-watch session. It was Phil's daily Skype call. Dan clicked on the green button.

"HEYYYYYY!" Phil exclaimed as soon as his face popped up on the screen.

Dan was always more depressing than Phil. He chose to respond with a simple "Hey".

"Dan! C'mon! You need to do this YouTube thing! You'll be great at it!" Phil encouraged.

"Oh, FUCK OFF!" Dan blocked Phil out.

That was basically the main topic of every Skype call. Dan was sick of it. He would really like to make videos but what if people hated him? He could never be someone big.

Phil basically spent the next 3 hours trying to persuade Dan to at least try. The words swam around in Dan's head. They were slowly strangling him. Slowly…ever so slowly.

"That's it! Cut it out!" Dan yelled under pressure. "Maybe…maybe I will try this YouTube thing. I'll let you know if I will. I just need time to think!"

Before Phil could even think of a reply, Dan ended the call.

"I gotta go, bye" Dan said, his head hanging low.

He felt bad for yelling at Phil. He slammed the laptop and put his hands on his head.

"What am I gonna do?" he managed to let out, through all that anxiety.

A few days later, Phil was worried. He hadn't heard form Dan in days. And the last time he did, he wasn't too cheerful. He decided to give Dan a call. He knew Dan wouldn't want it, but he needed it.

Before he could even press call, Dan's face popped up. This time he looked very happy and pleased with himself.

"Hey there, guess what I did? Go on, GUESS!" Dan said excitedly, leaving Phil in a state of shock.

"Lemme guess….I DON'T KNOW! JUST TELL ME!" Phil pretended to think.

"I POSTED MY FIRST VIDEO!" Dan yelled and proceeded to do his stupid little dance.

Phil was speechless. He was too happy to talk.

"I need to watch it right now! What's it called?" Phil said, frantically opening YouTube.

"Don't worry, I tweeted it to you!" Dan said making a kawaii face.

"Such a weeaboo…" Phil insulted playfully.

"Well, yeah…That's how you joined YouTube." Phil said, still not daring to look up at Dan.

Throughout the whole story, Dan had just been listening in awe. He was very interested in his past. Now he knew he was a YouTuber. Which is pretty cool, to be honest.

"That's really cool! I never thought I was a YouTuber. So you were…you were…MY FRIEND!" Dan said as his eyes lit up.

"Yes." Phil replied, heart filled with hope that his best friend would remember him.

An awkward silence filled the room. Dan and Phil both needed some time to just take in what happened.

"I'm sorry for being such a…such a…" Dan's voice grew more aggressive as he spoke.

"No, it's not your fault. Please don't apologise," Phil pleaded.

"I…I just feel like a pile of shit now." Dan said, angry with himself.

Phil didn't know how to respond.

"So did we ever meet?" Dan changed the topic.

"Oh…Oh yeah we met in 2011!" Phil said, his face cheering up. "You were going to university."

"Ooooh! Mr. Fancy over here!" teased Dan. "What course?"

"Well, you wanted something that looked professional. So you chose…"

"LAW!" they both said at the same time.

"I remember Mum telling me about that on my birthday. But I never thought I would actually do it!. So am I a lawyer too?" Dan asked looking puzzled.

"Oh no! You dropped out in the second year!" Phil corrected.

"Hahahhahah! Now THAT'S more like me!" he joked.

"We moved in together after a few months of you starting uni. Into a small flat in Manchester." Phil explained

"Two years later, we moved to London." Phil added.

Dan seemed very interested in everything Phil said. They chatted for hours. Phil, as usual, stayed to make sure Dan eats right. At night, when Dan took his meds and began to feel loopy, Phil slid off.

"Come earlier tomorrow, OK?" Dan said just as Phil reached the door.

"Always," Phil replied as he walked out.

He merrily skipped home, not giving a care in the world. The only thing that mattered was that he spoke to "The New Dan" and it was great. He knew he could get him back.

He was starving. He immediately thought of Dan and ordered a pizza. Doorbell rang, Pizza's here! And Deathnote was already set up. Phil felt right at home. If only Dan were there.


	7. UPDATE

**Update!**

 **HI there!**

 **So recently, I posted 2 chapters. There is a reason for this, however. Mostly pressure from my friend, Esther.**

 **SHOUTOUT! Go check out PurpleTruffle! Somehow dragged her into the fanfic community. Go give her some love for me! ^_^**

 **Ok, back to business. I basically posted 2 chapters because exam season is coming….I'M SORRY**

 **So writing is well, still going on, but chapter 6 is taking a little longer. I'll be back into regular uploads in 2-3 weeks!**

 **Some of you may be confused, so let's have a little recap.**

 **So far, Dan is in the hospital because of a suicide attempt (in case you didn't know) and now has Amnesia. He can't remember Phil and sees him as a stalker. Phil really misses Dan. After flash-backing to the night Dan jumped, Phil fell asleep at the hospital. He got home late at night and failed to be on time the next morning. Dan questions his true identity and Phil reveals some of it. Tension eases between them.**

 **That's basically it.**

 **Also, I will now state when I'm changing POVs due to request from my viewers. I'm sorry if I have caused confusion. I am still new to this whole thing. I will find some way to edit the previous chapters to make it less confusing.**

 **Anyways, thanks for the support and views. I never thought anyone would read this anyway.**

 **Cheers, phangurlultm8**


	8. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

That night, Phil lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. He was so happy. Dan had…had…returned! Plus, the doctor had told him some good news. He couldn't wait to see Dan again.

 _ **~~~~AT THE SAME TIME BUT DAN'S POV~~~~**_

"Phil is so, nice! He makes me feel safe." Dan thought to himself. "He's dreamy and kind and just perfect for me. But no…I can't. I can't be feeling this way. It's….it's not right."

Flashbacks from being a teen started playing in his head.

"I need to tell someone!" Dan whispered as he sobbed in the corner of his room.

"I can't just keep trying to date girls. This...isn't right."

 _ **[PS. Dan is gay in this. I DO NOT WANT TO OFFEND DAN AND PHIL! If you're not into that, you may leave. Oh and *spoilers* THERE WON'T BE ANY SMUT IN THE FUTURE (cos I'm shit at writing smut)]**_

 _ **[Back into normal time now!]**_

"I…I have t-to tell him." Dan stuttered. "T-tomorrow is the day."

And with that, he tried to doze off.

 _ **~~~~THE NEXT DAY~~~~**_

Phil put on his best T-shirt and walked out. He was so excited, he could barely contain himself. He just fell like squealing with glee!

 _ **[That sounded a bit weird….IDEK]**_

"Danny! You won't believe what I have to say!" Phil exclaimed as he skipped in.

"Hey," Dan replied nervously, "what is it?"

"Guess what the doctor said? C'mon GUESS!" Phil squealed with excitement.

"Umm…I don't know." Dan said, brushing his hands anxiously in the curly mess of hair on his head. "Just tell me."

"Is something wrong?" Phil asked as he stopped jittering with glee. "You know you can tell me, right?"

"Yeah, no it's nothing." Dan mumbled as his mind raced to change the topic. "Tell me what the doctor said!"

"Well, he said you can come home next week!" Phil said, lightening the mood.

Dan's eyes lit up. "Oh wow! That's great!"

 _ **~~~~A WEEK LATER~~~~**_

"Umm…Dan? Are you ready to go? I've paid the bills." Phil asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go." Dan murmured.

"I think we should take a taxi. The Tube is pretty packed at this time and I don't want you getting lost." Phil said, as he took out his phone to call a taxi.

Dan gave a silent nod.

"You are going to love our apartment. It's bright and fun and pretty awesome."

Dan just stared out the window.

London was raining, as usual. It was cold and bitter. The streets were filled with busy people scuttling around with umbrellas.

Dan barely said a thing on the way home. When they arrived, he just silently slid out.

"You'll have to use the stairs as there is no lift." Phil said as he closed the car door.

They both begrudgingly climbed up 4 flights of stairs. Phil opened the door and skipped inside.

"Oh and there are more stairs inside." Phil said letting out a giggle.

Phil proceeded to give Dan a tour of the apartment.

"This the bathroom. That's the toilet and across from that is the washer and where we keep fan mail. Let's go upstairs." Phil said leading Dan into the lounge.

"This is the lounge and if you go through this hallway you will find the kitchen on the left. Help yourself to anything, it is your house!" He let out a giggle.

"This is my room and that one's yours. If you go up those stairs you will find the 'office'. You called it 'The Nerd Room'. It's where we film gaming videos." Phil said, hoping Dan would remember all the good times they had.

"Oh, ummm…Ok," Dan said as he turned the doorknob of his door.

He peered inside. It was all tidy. Phil had made himself useful around the house for the past few months. Phil grinned, proud of his hard work. Dan walked in and touched the piano on the right.

"I'll leave you to….explore your room," Phil said awkwardly. "If you need anything, I'll be in my room."

As he walked out, Phil said, "Oh and don't forget! We're ordering pizza at 9!"

Dan silently put his duffel bag on the bed and sat next to it. He glanced at the dresser. His instinct told him to go through it. Even though it was his own, he felt like he was snooping around in someone else's stuff. He opened the drawers, one by one. Socks, underwear, some black shirts. Seems normal.

He looked at the stuff on top of the dresser. There were some anime and video game figurines and some deodorant. He turned towards the desk. Lights, a microphone and a camera were neatly set up. On the desk was a computer, some chargers and a MacBook. Dan cringed at the butt chair.

 **[This chapter is basically for those creepy stalkers who want to know every detail of their house *cough cough* me *cough cough*.]**

He slid out the partially open door of his bedroom. Phil's door was shut. He went to the lounge.

 **[Hey, I'm back! I actually had a break from school…but then again, I am a fucking asshole so I didn't write anything. *sigh* Anyway, I got some new fics coming and new chapters of this. BTW, I need suggestions on future chapter of this because I am not creative.]**


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